she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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