Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize