you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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