I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
