I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
