Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
is it fun? or sober?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
