I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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