Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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