Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i will never coherently bang her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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