party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
