Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
