you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't think brook has ever known best
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
