Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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