I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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