This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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