I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
