Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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