Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
