if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
