So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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