I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
