her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
