Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize