i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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