tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
