i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
