All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Randomize
