Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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