He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
