it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
