Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
