Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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