smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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