bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
