And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
