You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
