I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Alive.
So much puke
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
