My balls are so social today.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
