chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
