she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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