My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
