i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
