I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize