i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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