I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
