All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
