Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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