im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
