hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
