I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
