I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
