Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
