HIV tests are more positive than that guy
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
