There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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