Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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