Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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