Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
