Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
