i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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