"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
