how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
