I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
