why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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