Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
