dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
