you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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