Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
