there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I bet he comes in French.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
