I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
