Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
